…I was rather disappointed. Foolishly I had hoped that, since we already had the Transformers introduced, the CGI renders built, and a bigger budget, that we would actually see them get some characterization. Sideswipe, for all the hype around him, only had one scene, and two lines total. The only Autobots to get some screen time and plenty of lines were the twins, who didn’t turn out to be as annoying as I expected. They actually made me laugh, but some of their language was way too crass for little children.

And with one important character, we did. I had fun watching Starscream on the screen, though he was portrayed less as the arrogant seditious commander and more as Megatron’s bitch. Still fun, but not accurate.

Wheelie was also funny, being the total inverse of the annoying G1 kid and making him this foul mouthed little cretin. I enjoyed him, until he disappeared for no reason, just like Barricade in the last movie. He had his penultimate scene humping Mikaela’s leg. oO

That’s what bothered me the most about the movie actually, the excess of low-brown potty humor. We thought Bumblebee pissing was bad? Well I guess they figured we hadn’t seen nothing yet. Seriously, are Kurtzman and Orci five year olds? They gave Devastator testicals, Jetfire farted, and half the robots spit throughout the movie.

Again, with the shakey camera! You couldn’t blink for this movie or you’d risk missing something. The editing was horrible. And the camera panning in on Mikaela’s body as she was undressing was just shameless.

This movie? Not made for fans. Or little children. Or mature adults. I had fun with the fight scenes, and I’ll admit, I laughed often enough so that the movie was not a total waste of time of film, but DAMN, they need to bring in better writers who understand that Transformers can be more than just mindless entertainment.